Why did God create spiders?

My sanctuary has been breeched!!!

Having six children in a 4 bedroom home can be, let's say, trying at times. Although, I am very thankful for the house we do have, it can be hard to find a spot not occupied by children. My only semi-private place for mental repose is the loo. Semi-private meaning I usually spend the first couple minutes in there hollering "can't it wait, I'm going potty?" or "C'mon guys, I'll be out in a minute." You wouldn't believe the conversations they try to have with me while I am in the shower! Anyway, that's the best I get for privacy and it's fine with me. Until this morning around 5 A.M.

I had just gotten the baby fed and back to sleep, and ran (walked clumsily with one eye open) to the potty before laying back down for 5 min before having to tend to whoever wakes up next. There I was half asleep minding my business or taking care of business, however you want to look at it : ) when I look down with my one functioning eye and see this monster spider on my shirt barreling towards my face!!!!! For cryin' out loud that is just wrong, especially at 5 in the stinkin' morning!!! It was not just a small spider that I am exaggerating on its size. It was stinkin' HUGE!! It was one of those big brown spiders, not a wolf spider but looked like a recluse or something and it also looked like it wanted to eat my face!! I of course, jumped up like a crazy woman and slapped my chest like an equally crazy gorilla trying to save myself from this beast. I ended up screaming and running out of the bathroom in just my shirt which I flipped, slapped at and debated taking off, but then I would be naked, and I was expecting someone to hear my scream and come to my rescue (which never happened.)

I peeked around the corner to check myself in the mirror for the face eating beast after thoroughly slapping myself about my head and chest. I took a deep breath collected myself, quickly grabbed my underpants and gave them a good shake and opted for a new pair of shorts just in case it was hiding in a pocket or something.

I then was hit with a terrible sting of reality. My sanctuary had been breeched. How can I relax with the possibility of that terrible monster coming back for a second round! I didn't see where it went and it's highly likely it's laying in wait for the next attack. I feel like I have suffered the loss of a good friend. The couple times I needed to go in there I have carefully and thoroughly checked any potential hiding places for the possibility of future attacks. It's just not the same. A bathroom should be a place of peace and tranquility, not the home of attacking spiders so big they make women, children and men of weak constitutions run for their very lives!

Today is a sad day folks, but let us always try and remember the good times.

Elijah's First Photo Shoot

"Who's the cutest baby monkey ever?? "

"Oh, get out! It's me you say?"

"They love me...they really love me...I'd like to thank the Academy..."

" Oh, is this diaper ever giving me a wedgie"

"Wha? I'm just scratching!"

"They do WHAT during a circumcision?!"

Was Today Really Necessary????

Was today really necessary? That is what I was asking myself last night, actually throughout the whole day. It started out fairly normal. I didn't get any sleep, just like every other night. Lukey woke up early as I was feeding the baby. I laid him down on the bed with the girls hoping he'd go back to sleep. When I finished feeding the baby I laid beside him hoping to coax him back to sleep. (yea right) Annnyywhhooo, it played out this way. I dozed off, somewhere during, I seem to remember Audri getting up, but not really. I have faint snipets of hearing her and Luke giggling and carrying on. I realized at some point that I have dozed off and the lil' ones might be awake. I then immediately realized that I smelled a very strong odor of finger nail polish. AHHHHHHHH!!!! Surely not! Oh, yes, they did! Apparently, Audri had tried to paint her fingernails and toenails, as well as Lukey's. Unfortunately, he was wearing footed jammies and the polish just wouldn't soak through enough to pretty his toes. Did I mention they decided to also beautify the carpet in our living room that is NOT yet paid for???

Those of you that know us, know that I have had WAY more than my share of insanely ridiculous messes to clean up and I usually find a way to laugh it off. This time I cried. I may have even swore. I don't know, it's all a nightmarish blur. The baby was crying and hungry, lukey was still wet with paint on his jammies. Audri was "sooo hungreee." Everyone needed my attention right then and I could hear the paint drying on the carpet by the nanosecond.

I called my dear friend in a panic. It's not like she was busy homeschooling several children, getting lunch fixed, and getting ready to leave to pick up her oldest from a class. Yeesh, I'm sure she sits around eating bon bons all day like me. Being the saint that she is, she dropped everything to help with the kids while I took care of the carpet. She was awesome. Not only did she occupy and tend to the kids, she also cheered me on the whole time telling me how much better the carpet was looking and how it would come out and everything would be fine. (Did I mention the paint was an eye piercing turquoise on a lighter tan carpet???!!!) Being the saint that she is, even after I started making lunch for the kids and told her I had regained sanity and she could leave, she was on the floor picking and scrapping at the little pieces of paint still left on the floor. God bless her!

Eventually, after many tears, a bottle of peroxide, polish remover and Windex I got the majority of it out and life returned to normal...for a couple hours anyway......

What bright turquoise paint?? I don't see anything!?

So, that was the morning. Let's fast forward to supper time. I got the kitchen all cleaned up, all the dishes done (or so I thought) ,and was ready to start supper. It was going to be a slaved over meal of hotdogs, baked beans, and cornbread. Rylenn made the cornbread and I preheated the oven. I then went to bake the cornbread. I think I forgot to mention that in a piss poor effort to make my pile of dishes not look quite all of it's 3 feet height in the sink when my friend was coming over to help with the first catastrophe, I stuck some in the oven. Yes, I did it! I stuck dirty dishes in the oven and then I turned it on and baked them. Yes, it IS the second time I have done this! Yes, yes, yes! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME! The house was engulfed in toxic burned plastic smoke. The strainer was reduced to a small round disc, there was a sippy, a plastic bowl, I don't even really know as much of it was burned beyond recognition. For the second time that day I had to call my poor husband at work with unpleasant news. I also suggested he pick up some fast food on the way home as we had been quarantined to the upstairs master bedroom, and I wouldn't be cooking any supper that night.

The infamous dishes cooling on the oven rack in the garage. The inside of the oven, and lastly the poor uncooked cornbread sitting next to the french fries we did eat.

Siggghhh, sadly, that was not the last hideous mess of the day. At some point that evening before bedtime, Audri decided she needed some milk. She then in all of her 2 1/2 years of wisdom decided that she was big enough to pour it, and how much easier it would be if she did it on the bottom step! I think Rylenn took pity on me (or was frightened this last episode might send me screaming over the edge) and cleaned it up right away. Thanks Ry, momma loves you!

That was my day, I think by far, the worst non-tragic day I have ever had... atleast until the next time... and again, I will go to bed asking myself, "was this day really necessary???"

Introducing.........Elijah James

     This is the other wonderful reason I have to restart my blog.  This gorgeous (no, I am not biased!) lil' guy is the newest monkey in our family of a half dozen monkeys. 

He is doing well, he eats great, sleeps well, and seems to have a very quite and laid back nature.  I'm sure that will change as he gets older!  

His brothers and sisters are adjusting fairly well.  Certainly better than Audri did with Lukey.  Lukey hasn't jerked Elijah's bottle out of his mouth yet like someone else I know, but won't mention the name of...cough..Audri..cough.

He has already christened the couch, my pants and hand, himself, as well as pooped on Lukey's pillow.  That was just the first week! 

Mom and dad are surviving as well as possible on their 12.98 consecutive minutes of sleep each night. 

As I was not exaggerating about my lack of sleep I am going to wrap this post up now because I can feel the few functional brain cells I have left dwindling quickly.  Naptime......is that you????!!!!!!

                                 

 

Technorati Tags: Elijah,poop,sleep,brain cells

The Memorial Day Jello Massacre

WARNING: CONTAINS GRAPHIC JELLO IMAGES!!

I have been away from my blog for sometime now. There were lots of reasons why that I won't get into on this post. I'm thinking I will do that in a different one to catch you all up on the excitement that is our lives. What I would like to share today is a story of Jello, clumsiness, and just plain silliness that made laugh so hard I snorted and immediately felt the urge to restart my blog. I can't say exactly how this Jello massacre occurred as I was upstairs being highly productive on the computer (I was on my third straight win at Tri-peaks solitaire). All at once I heard this terrible crash and Rylenn kind of wimper and whine. I wasn't super concerned since she is quite old enough to tell me if she's hurt. Being the top mom that I am, I hollered down while finishing my 5 card streak, "you ok?" No answer. "You OKAYYYY?" I hear a quite wimper. Then here comes Sophie running into the room saying "she's not ok, she's not ok." Of course, I am worried at this point and run down the hallway to the top of the stairs and this is what I find......

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Again, being the top mom that I am, instead of running to help her up, I ran to get my camera and caught these classic shots to remind her in the coming days of teenagerism what happens when you start to get too big for your briches (or when you lean back to far in your chair!)

....Yes, Rylenn, it IS the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life!!!!!! Love ya!

MOM